Mind Reading 101 for Leaders: 6 - Take Responsibility

Submitted by Dr. Ada on November 25, 2009 - 10:12

As a leader, your conversations become relationships. Taking responsibility for your thoughts, emotions, and for the message you need to deliver will allow you to speak with clarity, conviction, and compassion. How people feel after a conversation with you will determine how they would feel about developing a relationship with you or not. It also affects the trust that develops. When relationships are on the line, there are no trivial comments.

I often hear all kinds of excuses for conversations gone wrong. And most of them have to do with how the other person was so. . . (abrasive, annoying, challenging, in my face, nasty, insulting. . . you fill in the blank!) that the person “could not help” . . . (yelling, losing control, escalating. . . you probably can fill this blank too).

The reality is that we can never influence what others say or do. But we can certainly take responsibility for our own thoughts, actions, and reactions. The way you talk to yourself will make a big difference on how you communicate and behave. If you can acknowledge that the recent merger is bringing uncertainty, but instead of thinking “nobody has control of anything anymore” you tell yourself you can make a difference in how things are communicated. In taking initiative, in reaching out to connect with the unknown, your words and behaviors will convey your willingness to contribute to the process and you might end up having more influence than you thought you could have.

Thanksgiving is a ripe time to test this theory. Every family has someone that others tend to dread relating to. If you are together for this holiday, try taking responsibility for reaching out in a different way. Instead of shunning, or exchanging negative comments, ask questions that can bring out their best. Instead of reacting negatively when they say something annoying, take things with humor and ask them to tell you something about themselves, or make a positive comment about them. Instead taking things personally (even if the other meant it as personal), chalk it up to their make up and give them a compliment instead of an angry retort. (You might need to think of a compliment in advance. . . !) Above all, don't let "the small stuff" ruin a time for connection. Take a positive attitude with you and initiate positive interactions. You will be amazed at the results!

In this age where leaders, employees, and family try to blame someone else for everything, it is refreshing when someone takes responsibility not only for their actions, but for the relationship. Be the one to stand up and make a difference by taking responsibility.

4 comments

Jay Dougal McKnight wrote 14 weeks 6 days ago

Re: Mind Reading 101 for Leaders: 6 - Take Responsibility

With wars, economic upheaval, the state of our government and the stress on all of our families from so much uncertainty, I have noticed that we are being pulled apart. Almost as though it seems we all feel that we must protect ourselves personally form everything and everyone. The very word "protect" is fear based. In many ways it has been a healthy response to our survival as we develop as a species. But, this is also at the heart of what is hurting us the most. If I could change one thing in myself the to make the "Shift" from fear based protection to embracing the fundamental commonality in all of us as human beings...Put a little love on it. Quit trying to save the world from what we are afraid of and focus on what we can do something about...Ourselves. I am going to commit myself to accepting those differences as something to work on. And to remember that although we may all look, sound and act like we a different..in reality we all, laugh, cry, love and feel pain exactly the same. So from one end of the world to the other, I am thankful that we ARE all human beings and I celebrate the places in our hearts that look just like everyone else.
Happy Thanksgiving,
Jay Dougal Mcknight

Joe Keating wrote 14 weeks 6 days ago

Re: Mind Reading 101 for Leaders: 6 - Take Responsibility

I read your blog. Excellent thoughts. Sometimes we let the pressures of lfe over ride our willingness to communicate with good or positive intentions. I find this true especially today with every one worrying if we're going to make it through all of the crisis we're facing. Who is right / wrong, etc. We have to remind ourselves that we are powerless over these big events (although they can be troublesome) and get back to our own small slice of reality - where we can control ourselve through our own positive thoughts and feelings.
Thanks 'doc' I needed that!
- Big Joe

Helmut wrote 14 weeks 5 days ago

Re: Mind Reading 101 for Leaders: 6 - Take Responsibility

Personal responsibility is personal leadership, leadership providing direction, relationship providing confidence and creativity providing capability.

Leadership, responsibility as a personal foundation will breed leadership, responsibility throughout any organization.

With deeply rooted values and priciples and without special self serving interests, manipulating, lobbying and egotistical corruption, personal leadership, relationship will be one of independent, confident and prosperity creating life purpose where thoughts, words, emotions and actions become a unity of soul, mind and body, rejecting class war fare, hatred and dependency creating bureaucracy and embracing gratitude, compassion, clarity and conviction without the demand of being right.

Leadership, responsibility and conversations are the basis for relationships as well as the basis for your personal prosperity of body, soul, mind, life, liberty, joy, happiness and success.

All of the above are hidden talents in human beings and may be unleashed through hard work, learning and practising. Practising the finishing of daily tasks with a clear understanding of joyful success building and measuring each step towards a real, actual measuring point and NOT towards an ideal.

Let's keep that converstation up, it may lead to people helping people and themselves to more personal prosperity.

Deidre Raven wrote 14 weeks 3 days ago

Re: Mind Reading 101 for Leaders: 6 - Take Responsibility

How wonderful we are a t a time in history when we can realy make a difference. As we become aware of the Power of collective energy. To Heal ourselves, we Heal the World!
Namast'e