Don't stick your head in the sand!
Photo by Spartacus007 via Flickr

As promised, I’m going into more detail on how to elicit the thoughts and ideas of others and share yours in a way that real understanding and collaboration can happen. Today let’s look at how to deal with reality.

Reality shifts and changes. Markets, economies, colleagues, customers, yourself. . . you name it. Things and the world change. Stuff happens. Many times we prefer to ignore reality, because it seems simpler that way. In reality, ignorance will only make things worst. Things that are ignored become the “white elephant” in the room that everybody sees and nobody talks about. Once you start the conversations that you have been unable to have, the energy changes and tough issues can be confronted and resolved.

1. Interrogate reality. Reality is never absolute and your version of reality is as good as anybody’s. Clarity about an issue or topic can only be reached as people consider all aspects of a topic in collaboration. Invite questions. Suspend assumptions. Check for understanding. Inquire about the perception of others. By interrogating multiple realities people learn to think and you can walk out with ideas that no single individual could have formulated. It also generates internal commitment to a decision. When people feel their perspective was sought out and valued, and understand why and how a decision was made, it’s easier for them to buy into it.
2. Describe reality without laying blame. The more complex a problem is, the stronger the temptation to point fingers and find fault. The result, invariably, is the building up of defenses, which effectively slams the door on dialogue and resolution. I have witnessed this happening with disastrous delays on finding solutions. When we could sit down with all the stakeholders together, and each was able to describe the reality of the problem without laying blame, a very different conversation happened where more information and understanding lead to the successful resolution of the issue. One good way to avoid blame is by modifying our language. Try replacing the word but with and and see how it opens the conversation.
3. Tell with honesty what you really think and feel. Not what you think others want to hear. Honesty means full disclosure to yourself and others, with good intent. People usually prefer to hear the truth, even if they don’t like it. Get beyond the “official” truth to the reality at the bottom, the one that people talk about around the water cooler.
4. Don’t bury your head in the sand. Look around and keep up with the changes around you. For example, Stan Stalnaker writing on the Harvard Business Review talks about a new model in business growth which uses human cellular structures as a metaphor for economic growth, called cellular economic theory. If our economic system starts to gravitate to this different model, it will not be “business as usual.” Are you ready to face changes that are so transformational that it could potentially change most of what you know about how to do business? Ignoring trends and context will only delay what could prove a success. Sir Winston Churchill said: "Real success means being able to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm."

Leaders need to be able to see reality and not be overwhelmed by it. At the same time they help the rest of the organization deal with reality, and find ways to learn and grow in the process. Think about what realities you need to face and take the first steps to deal with it in a healthy way.